Aside from the fact that you like circles and bridges, what compels you to stare at two mounds of fat hanging from your girlfriend's chest? In The Naked Ape, zoologist Desmond Morris outlines his idea that men love boobs because boobs resemble buttocks. In the jungle a female primate in heat displays her ass to indicate that she's ready for sex. The exposed skin around her anus and vagina swells and changes color. Morris surmises that once women began walking upright, breasts developed as a way for them to arouse bootylicious thoughts without bending over. Biped babes could now catch a male's eye coming or going.
The problem with this hypothesis is that men in many cultures aren't obsessed with breasts. In their 1951 book Patterns of Sexual Behavior, anthropologists Clellan Ford and Frank Beach conclude that the most universally admired female trait is plumpness. Less than one quarter of the tribes they surveyed valued large breasts. The website 007b.com, which archives the various sizes and shapes of breasts (including tubular), argues that they are not inherently sexy but simply a sign that a girl has become "capable of feeding children as God intended." It asks, "Is a bull interested in the cow's udder when it wants to mate?"
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